28 days later

He passed away after a short period in hospital in late August, less than two months before his 70th birthday. You could say he was your average Joe when it came to this cancer: average patient diagnosed with pancreatic cancer is 70 year old male and they live 6 months on average.

He didn't get much more than that. And even it has come obvious that he knew he was going to die rather sooner than later his subconcious mind denied it. I am quite sure that I am not lying when I say that severity of his illness was not clear to any of us, not even his partner.
I got to read his death certificate: he had several metastasis all around his body and this he knew over a month before he passed. Knowing this confirmed my earlier suspicions about his condition based on his behaviour. (Yeah, it's hard to be always right. Or something. *grin*) Human beings are odd things, but still, I know and you know why he did it.

Tiny took it better than I had expected, regardless he does miss his grandpa a lot. But the process seems to help him. One day he told me that it was nice to see grandpa's white box, in other words going to his memorial service. There's still urn burial (my father's ash will be buried in his parents' grave (which is a positive thing as said cemetery is reasonably close)), I hope it goes as well as memorial service did...

The relativity of time has struck me, it seems like forever, but it has been only four weeks.

Well, four weeks and a aday.

Things that happened before it seem like aeons ago and things that happened after it... well, have just kind of passed.


It's like learning to walk again

When you have learned to watch your every step, move, gesture and keep your eyes away from the person you love (because he is a controlling jerk and you haven't realised it yet) it's actually really difficult to unlearn it even if previously mentioned things are well in the past and processed. And it's like being in alternate reality to have someone you care for close willingly to you after being with a controlling jerk who considered all physical contact as something distasteful, even brutal.

I am in the brink of a cultural shock.

On singledom

I have been single almost four years now and either I have become even more cynical than I used to be or people have got way weirder since I was single last time. Or maybe it's me (getting way weirder than I used to be).

Or that little funny fact that nowadays I demand more. Much more. I don't ask for looks, (look where it got me last time *grin*,) but I'm just looking for someone with a good head on their shoulders. You know, those people are insanely hard to come by. At least for an introverted single parent.

Some people could say that it's more difficult to date with a child. I don't agree. First of all at this age quite many people have kids so they should understand how the whole thing goes with kids, and then I don't think it would be too much to ask for an adult to understand the basics of how little people affect to one's life - and accept the fact that people in certain age range quite often have kids. I know I did, not 100 %, but I did - and I have never been much of a child type anyway (aside wanting my own).
And for some weird reason when Tiny was just a baby it was easier to get on the date level. Maybe it was "separated" status that was much more attractive than "divorced" - as of course life is easier with someone who is in middle of a divorce, yup. *grin*

What makes me wonder is that those people who should be adult by any standard act like teens or little kids. Those people who can't simply live with word "no" or can't wait for your reply for one day without having some kind of hissy fit. It's hilarious, but also very worrying.

Sometimes it's good to be a misanthrope.

Still, it would be nice to have someone to share one's life with. Someone who'd also give Tiny that father figure he never has had.

6 x 9 = 42

Life's dragging along. I am eagerly waiting for that day when it becomes normal again, without constant obstacles thrown on our way.

Tiny's tummy ache was diagnosed as food allergy (as I suspected) after few dozens of blood tests to opt out all kinds of nice things like colitis, celiac disease, amebas and other funny parasites. He is now off dairy, eggs and fish and has become more like his old self.
It turns out he may have been allergic last two years, if not his whole life... he just hasn't been able to communicate it and haven't realised that it is not normal to have nausea and tummy ache until now.
This and my father's cancer cause enough stress to make my system more unstable and it seems that my allergies (and my thyroid) may be worsening again. Yay. It would make life really interesting, though luckily Tiny is at day care so he gets diverse diet even if ours were more restricted.

But on the bright side, it's Mother's Day and we have cake!


(no subject)

So... Bumpy ride goes on and on.

I got SRTD from noise and spent summer with a burnout and was stupid enough to go back to school like nothing. Then I got sick and was too sick or tired to do anything 1,5 months. So, fall semester went to dogs.

We relaxed whole holiday period, it was tons of fun for both Tiny and me, and in January I started studying with goals.

Tiny got sick. Apparently he is more or less allergic to milk, fish and bell peppers. At least. And he reacts with his intestines. So, he has been at home a lot because his tummy hurts and he has reflux symptoms. Based on his blood work and check-up he is a healthy lad. At the moment we are waiting to get an appointment with allergy specialist. Until then I get to hear "mom, my tummy hurts" almost daily. And it sucks.

Then my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with several metastasis in his liver. It's unoperable as long as he has them. And life expectancy isn't great even at its best: 10 % of PC patients are alive after one year, 2-3 % after five years.
And I worry already how Tiny will take it when his grandpa dies. "Luckily" he is no stranger to death: my sister's older cat died of cancer some time ago and Tiny helped our mother to bury her. He has been asking lots of questions about dying since. And he still thinks everyone will be buried at granny's yard when they die. *grin*

So. This is how it has been. I am hoping this would be enough for next ten years or so...

On crossing body parts

Well, we got the place and have moved in almost three weeks ago.

The Silence!

At least compared to previous apartment. There are some "structural noises", but at least now we can't hear talking (or yelling) and occasional walking sounds are tolerable.

The Space!

96 square meters (~1033ft²). 22 more than in our old place, same amount of rooms (HUGE kitchen). 1950s apartment block with a fireplace and nice balcony. Next to the woods.
And I don't know what to do with all the space!
Actually I have a problem with my craft stuff, but I think eventually I will figure something out.

Of course it's bit more expensive to live here, but oh my, I this place.

Long time, no see

Life has gotten on the way. Getting used to studying is harder than I thought and less surprisingly I have also been sick quite a lot (Tiny's in daycare so he brings all kinds of fun things home - luckily he hasn't been sick that much) so I have huge timing issues at the moment.

And our downstairs neighbours have become huge PITAs. Which is not good in any level.
Six months after we moved here I have reached high enough level of insanity and we are looking for a new place to live.

Tiny is afraid of the noise and has also woken up to it - luckily not as often as I have.
First I tried to be nice and notified them that they are making too much noise. Few times of that and they refused to open the door. I contacted our landlord, twice, with disturbance reports and they contacted our neighbours to no avail. And when Tiny said that he is scared of the monster (once again downstairs was having a ball) I got fed up: since then it has been security and written complaints.
But as the sound only comes to our apartment they won't be evicted... or let's say it's not that likely.

Fun times. Now I am just hoping and praying that we would get a new place quickly.
We went to see one apartment (technically two) yesterday, let's see what they say as I know we weren't the only ones who were interested. (Though they basically have two similar apartments free, so.... let's cross all possible body parts, shall we?)


Crazy January Challenge 2015 - and a Happy Dance!

I have learned something about CJC: better to have smaller designs on your list *grin*, therefore next year's list is mix of WIPs(/ UFOs) and new projects.
  1. WIP: Neil Degrasse Tyson (worked from pixel art I found from his FB fan group).
  2. WIP: Mirabilia's "Madonna of the Garden".
  3. WIP: Brightneedle's "Ezmeralda's House".
  4. WIP: PINN's "Loy Krathong".
  5. WIP: Brown House Studio's "Internet in Heaven".
  6. WIP: Blue Ribbon Designs' "With All Your Heart".
  7. WIP: The Prairie Schooler's "Must Be Santa".
  8. WIP: San- Man Originals' "Snow Ice Cream".
  9. WIP: Vervaco's "Lightning McQueen".
  10. WIP: My Big Toe Designs' "For This Child".
  11. WIP: My Big Toe Designs' "This Too Shall Pass".
  12. NEW: Anchor Maia "Usiku", using 28 count navy linen.
  13. NEW: Plum Street Sampler's "Coffin Buzz".
  14. NEW: La Comtesse "Dreaming is Free".
  15. NEW: Ink Circles' "Holiday Magick".

And There I Was, Dancing...

  • Design: Holiday Magick
  • Designer: Tracy Horner of Ink Circles.
  • Fabric: random 28 count "raw" linen
  • Floss: "School House Red" from GAST.
  • Other notions: Stitched over one.
Beautiful, furry stand is our Vilma. (She looks eerily like Seiichi, I know.)