30 years old (I almost wrote 30 years odd...)

Oh mi gosh, etc.. I don't feel like thirty at all, but I have already noticed all the things coming from getting older: I got an invitation for the official PAP smear today... oh well, at least it's good for me. In addition to that I have to book an appointment to our nurse because I have been sick so many times between January - March. It has to be an one hour appointment, and for what? We just come to conclusion that asthma, customer service job and flu season are not a good combination.
But that is what my employer wants me to do so there I go.

And in addition to that there is another health check coming within next two months. Groovy. And I know that this time there is this "and how about your weight then?" conversation... though, I can tell them that I have lost whopping 12,5 kilos since March without any dieting and that we shouldn't meddle with what seems to going well.
Though... they could check my thyroid levels, just for future reference as it seems that our mother has hypothyroidism despite her levels being within so called normal levels. I just can't help, but wondering did I really have point with my suspicion of having hypothyroidism when I was prescribed antidepressants...

Well, what is my weight loss secret? I am not quite sure, but I guess that the combination of Mr. Wonderful and Nigerian food is the thing - that yummy okra soup he makes every now and then may be big contributor in this. (This is interesting.)
One thing I am sure of: I am not complaining.

Her Highness

Thank you for your condolences.
She was put to sleep after, this is what the vet thought, her kidneys had failed. Poor dear couldn't control her bowel or bladder any more so it was just gentle to let her go.
My mother took her with her and buried Her Highness somewhere in her cabin's garden.

In general: odd changes

I have noticed extremely odd change in me lately: I like to shop and I am actually looking forward to buy *GASP* more *GASP* feminine clothes (what, aren't jeans and T-shirt feminine enough?! I am getting scary!) in future - and I have started to wear *GASP* earrings.
What boggles me almost as much is that I have this odd mania for turquoise stones (or glass pieces, whatever) - in general I have a thing for turquoise which I can't explain...
I have even grown my hair longer because He asked to (and it's not dark anymore, more like dark, bright red).

Should I be worried or should I just come to conclusion that I am in love?

And to the main thing, birthday goodies!

These lovelies are from Stitch & Stash's Birthday Thread Exchange and even though only one skein of special floss is required some participants seem to enjoy pampering other participants... not that I would mind.
These are the ones which have come to date and there's threads from the Ozark Sampler, The Dye is Cast, Kate's Kloths, Carrie's Creations, Needlepaints, Dragon Floss... and I'm swimming in purple floss! (Check this card, stylish or what?)
I also got a chart with Ozark Sampler threads which would be just the thing for a biscornu (actually I have already decided which Ozark's thread I'd use for it..).

Thank you Sheila, Jayne and Helen! And big thank you to everyone who has wished me a happy birthday!

To make it even better... I know there's more birthday related goodness to come!

Otherwise

I have got year older peacefully (with my current physical state (even sweeping the kitchen floor is too much...) that is the only way). I spent the morning by playing with colour combinations for the B1g S3kr1t D3s1gn, we got the futon assembled (it's already in use...) with my mother (it took four hours from two persons with years of furniture assembling experience and a fully equipped hardware store's selection of woodworking tools) and I fed her with turkey and rice noodles with coconut cream sauce (with bell pepper and ginger)) as a thank you - she's still alive and actually liked the stuff, so it wasn't too bad.

Siamese cats, strange breed

I noticed something yesterday: Her Highness is a tonal meower. Instead of using different meow in different situations (like most cats do) she uses same meow, but changes the tone.
It kind of makes sense, she's from Siam anyway... (Thai is a tonal language.)

Before I forget... finished Woodland Snowfall:

I had a reason to stitch it... it was a supposed to be a replacement ornament sent to one participant in ornament exchange at EMS, and I did sent it to Singapore... She just happened to receive both original and mine approximately at the same time (which was few days ago, hence the picture).
(Piece of unnecessary information... I Googled Woodland Snowfall and guess whose blog was fourth hit? *grin* "Look Mommy, I'm in the internet.")

Shoppity

Birthday fairy made an order from Casa Cenina... (though I excused some things for myself too, and got one of the beads for Seasonal Dragons (they were discounted)!)

I've to say that they've excellent customer service. I wanted to pay my order with European Bank Transfer instead of credit card as in my case it was faster (it takes at least three days to get credits loaded) and there aren't any transaction fees when it's interunion transfer. They replied to all my stupid questions within hours and were very willing to serve.
Now order is processed, as they've received my payment, and mailed out. Wonderful! I'll recommend them (even they're not the cheapest one with everything they have great selection, and I'm willing to pay for service).

I should be sleeping, but I'm not. My mind wandered away and here I am, in the middle of the night.

My father (well, "father") has his 59th birthday today, which means that in next year he'll have his 60th birthday and not that long after it (couple of years) he'll retire.
And I feel so desperately old. My father is almost sixty, I'm almost thirty... both of my siblings are thirty something. And what have I achieved in this world? Nothing.

My brother has kids who'll be in their teens when our father retires... and even youngest of my brother's children will be in school when our father retires. And I'll be 30-something. I'll be 34 in that year my mother retires. 8 years from now.

Hardest thought seems to be this: "My eldest could be (pre-)teen in 2013. My eldest could be in school after few years from now." So, it's not the aging I'm worrying of. I'm worrying of not knowing what future brings.
For G-d's sake, I don't even know what'll happen tomorrow... or next week. There's no past nor future. (I think I'm having early 30-something crisis...) I don't or can't know will I ever be even able to carry a child.

And even if I got pregnant now and here (don't ask me how) my eldest would be sevenish when I'm 34. Ok, 34 is not exactly decrepit, my mother had her 30th birthday after she gave birth to me, but... Well, this is one of my usual anxiety attacks. There just have been so much talk about kids and infertility lately that my mind just can't take it.
It's possible that my mind could take it, but I don't want to even think about those issues. It'd be just too hard - but still I can't avoid those topics. They jump to my face all the time. And living in area where most residents have families doesn't help. I can't even look at kids currently.
Everything is fine as long as I'm able to avoid families, children, women who get pregnant when they want to...

They say that you never get more than you can carry with you... sometimes I doubt that. Sometimes I wonder what kind of deed I've done in my past life to get this. (Ok, there are worse fates than this) And if this would only affect to my life, but this affects to life of others. And I can't understand how Sonnenschein thinks that I'm so good when I can be complete asshole even in best of days.

Yes, I'm bit messed up so it's very possible that there's no sense in this... It was just so much easier few years back when I was younger and apparently more stupid.

In the end I'm worried of only one thing and that is will I ever be able to deliver little human to this world. (Yeah, there's always adoption...) Image of us. As, to be honest, I'm not sure is there any thought more 'divine' than being able to feel part of Sol in me, even it's only nine months. I wish I had words for it, but I'm only human...

Yes, I'm delirious. In some parts of world they call it 'love'.