I had the weirdest dream last night. Not in a bad way mind, but it was those rare "good things will be coming your way" kind of dreams.
Maybe one could call them angelic dreams, if one had a thing for angels.
Regardless, I have felt happy and balanced ever since I woke up. Like I was filled with light...
I know how it sounds, but then everything that helps one through the day helps, right?
There was a crowded diner, all the sudden most people just vanished. They were referred as ghosts, but not in the sense of dead human, but as people of past times. They were referred as ghosts by a drop dead gorgeous androgynous man who I had a conversation with. And even I don't remember what he said I know deep within what he said: and it was all good.
And he shone. Like a ray of light.
And for some reason I think I need to tweak my blog's colour scheme. It's too.... dark. Nevermore, or summin'. *grin*
As shocking as it is I have been crafting.
Even more shocking is that I have actually finished something!
I wanted to do a Yule calendar for Tiny and when I noticed that Ikea had this spruce wall hanging (it glows in the dark! *grin*) it was obvious that I will use one as the base and use plastic rings for the gifts - and for the decorations. That way the calendar would be versatile, functional and decorative.
Thanks to clarithromycin I failed the deadline (it makes me awfully tired. That and waking up every night because of this nasty cough that sinusitis also gave me), but luckily Tiny's too young to understand that.
And first gift is waiting for tomorrow morning...
Second hand toy cars etc. is what his calendar is made of. But he wont mind, he loves his toy cars (and the movie!).
In other news
I have two additional kids nowadays. Furry, smelly and meowy kids. Cats, that is. *grin*
Vikke and Vilma are siblings, age approximately 7 months. (Which means that Vikke is going to get neutered VERY soon...)
I have started writing an entry so, so many times last months. And as many times I have skipped them as idiotic. Don't know why.
Hence I decided to break the dry season with a tiny post: about Tiny, of course. *grin*
Young sir turned 18 months earlier this month and is a strapping young lad, big boy with the biggest smile, growing like weed and feet like canoes (according to size charts his current size is appr. 5-6 year old size..).
He is a skilled young man (taking shower by himself at the moment) who loves to clean (and suck those rags..) and needs his own rolling pin, he is that eager to help with baking.
And he has recently learned to chew xylitol
gum. I just take it as a good thing as I don't like giving him xylitol pastilles as they mess up his tummy and remind candy, whereas gum doesn't.
He chews it a little while and then gives his gum to mom. If he just that good at cleaning after himself when it comes to toys.... *grin*
In old days I used to somewhat enjoy verbal conflicts, challenging people's opinions and ideas, but I have come to realize that those days are over. When someone starts to pick up a fight, I just vanish as I simply don't see the point in engaging to one.
And somehow it seems that some people consider it cowardly that I do choose... no, I don't choose my battles. I simply avoid them.
To be honest I just don't give a damn. Even if I know that I actually had some real input on the matter. And I do miss having heated conversations, I just don't want to have them with someone I don't know or trust.
It seems that the knowitallness of youth is becoming the settled universal wisdom of nearing middle age. Though, I still do know it all and better than anyone else. You can't take ass away from smart ass. *grin*
It has been like any other day: we have done laundry (Tiny has helped by throwing wet laundry on the floor), picked up Tiny's Duplo giraffe up from under our balcony (he has invented a new "fun" game: he throws stuff over the railing - we live on second floor), played, made some yeastless focaccia
for Tiny (admittedly I ate A LOT of it) and practised falling asleep without his bottle.
He is such a precious little lad and such a big boy already, he even wiped the floor today (with our dishcloth). *grin*
We have a good life together, Tiny and I, and even I am not perfect Tiny seems to think that I am the best. And that's all I need.
Which are two stomach bugs and a nasty head cold within last month. So our schedule has been filled with being sick... and exhausted.
Tiny has always been relatively healthy child and apparently he decided it's time to shake things up a bit... I just hope this would be enough for a while as it has been really exhausting. Today was the first day in last month when we didn't both take 3-4 hour nap. But that's probably because we actually got out after 10 am, which is like first thing in the morning in our household. At least within last month. If we have done a grocery run we have left around 3 pm... because I have been too tired to function properly before that. And then it is not easy to get ready to go out when you have a sick child wanting to be hold 24/7...
I became a mother to this adorable little boy.
Happy birthday my dear Tiny!
And to celebrate Tiny's birthday and International Women's Day my alter ego decided to put "Women Are Angels" on sale!
There is a limit to compromises to remain faithful to yourself, but the question is how you know you have compromised too often?
There is no way to say that "X times is too many" as in a relationship based on love, understanding, respect and trust you should not have to question anything.
Even less you should be questioning is your partner worth of all the compromises or which one of you compromises more than the other. As it is not a competition, it's supposed to be all about love. All about wishing the best for the one you love, all about helping them and all about not being selfish.
And still you should remain selfish to stay honest to yourself, keep your vision clear to see when you are beginning to lose yourself or when you are being bossed around.
What about us silly folks you have raised up to help others, to walk that extra mile for people? We have been raised up to be emphathetic, but does it need to mean we keep losing ourselves? Or do we just choose the wrong people? Do wrong people just choose us?
In my case the question is how the heck I have ended ending two marriages if I am as good as I am told I am? Or is it just like 1st husband said after we broke up, that I am too kind and good and people will use me because of that?
Do I have the "Good Guy Syndrome"? Or am I, as said before, a half-broken thing?
I've come to understand why some men I've met during my life have stated that they are sick of compromising.
Turns out that they weren't immature and selfish, or if they were I've become immature and selfish - which I don't really believe.
It just dawned to me that my problem, one of them, in relationships is my ability and willingness to compromise. Which is a good trait, but one should also be faithful to herself.
Which is something I've failed to do.
I've been unfaithful to myself by being the one who always compromises, understands, forgets without even the simplest "sorry dear", and the one who forgets herself in order to be a good partner.
And today I realized that somehow I've happily accepted things I didn't ever realize I had accepted, before now.
And somehow I didn't stand up when things that were completely normal things in a relationship were told being somehow wrong, or wicked as he so often judged things that weren't like he thought things should be.
I can emphatise as I think I know why he saw world as he does, and I feel sorry for him because he loses so much of life's beauty. ETA
(as my phone didn't want to edit
But remember dearest me that if you are not accepted as you are, nor your habits or your likings then he is not worth it.
No matter how much you care for that person he is not worth it if he doesn't show that you are worth your weight in gold.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
Some time ago I was thinking could I ever, in that highly unlikely eventuality that pigs would fly, take Mr. To-Be-Ex back and realized that no I couldn't, never ever.
I can forgive a lot, but there is one thing I could never forgive: father willingly abandoning his own child.
I can never understand that, nor I can never respect that person again.
The clock is ticking. I finally sent the divorce papers to court this morning. We should be able to pass the consideration period and get it sentenced without delay (unless they want to inform him, and that is another matter. Or rather another month or two) as we have never officially lived together.
I am incurable! Luckily I won't afford new stash before spring so this stash p0rn will stop for a while after ALL that stuff I have ordered arrives to this side of the pond... and that is quite a reasonable pile of stuff.
But, without further ado: stash!
I managed to snatch two BEAUTIFUL Solos from Silkweaver's Facebook sale. Or three. I am not sure is that brown one solo or a regular, but it is really pretty too. Chocolatey brown with slight, but noticeable variation.
And apparently they think that I am a good customer as I got an extra with the fabrics:
And naturally I have received yet another envelope from One Star's Light (liquidation sale is still on, -40% with TheLastHurrah in your shopping basket!)
I have hoarded those LHN chart packs as they are practically free! What I have paid doesn't even cover the price of the floss so I had no excuse to leave them at OSL. *grin*
But admittedly all this saving is rather expensive... Anyway, I also ordered some HDF silks for "For This Child..."
"Robin Egg" and "Dragon Hoard" and I think I'll choose dragon one as Tiny is a dragon AND that is FAR more pretty.
Now I just need to decide on fabric... like for every Crazy January Challenge 2013 project. Even for Flora McSample one as one of the flosses is exact match for the fabric. Or maybe I change the green floss.
And now I am off to stalk our postie, there is a lot of stash waiting to arrive and I am certain that postie holds my stash hostage and fondles it without my permission....
I have several shipments coming from USA (ton of stuff from One Star's Light
and a new shower curtain from CafePress), but for some reason the one that arrived this week was one of the latest orders... maybe 1-2-3 Stitch! is in good terms with postal services as their envelopes have always arrived in due course.
Little clearance finds again, they have had great designs there lately.
Jennifer has the cutest 12 Days of Christmas series in the making in Dragon Dreams' Facebook page so hop over if you have missed it!
I must stitch those for Tiny as he is a dragon baby - and coming to think of it I probably need to buy Ellen Maurer-Stroh's Dragon Baby and stitch it for Tiny.
In stashy heaven, to be precise.
One of those bazillion stitchy groups I belong to in Facebook is strictly Stitch-A-Long group and those evil people scheduled a "Cirque de Coeurs" SAL starting from coming Valentine's Day and... My reasoning ended at that point where I found pretty and cheap floss perfect for it. *grin*
Said floss is Anchor's variegated 1206.
And naturally I justified postages while at it and got these from 1-2-3 Stitch!'s Clearance section.
Tiny loved the caterpillar design when he saw it so I guess I must stitch it for him. Though I'll modify the fairy child's skin and hair colour a bit.
I have also managed to kit DMC part of all of my "Crazy January Challenge" projects (and I was told that it was originally a Finnish idea so I kind of have another excuse here). Luckily floss is cheaper in Tallinn as there's 40 skeins for CJC projects (and four skeins of Variations).
I also found this 40% off.
If I am not completely mistaken the design has all St. Petersburg's famous churches pictured.
And my friend Niina came to visit couple of days ago and brought me lovely housewarming gifts!
But now I must (oh yes, dreadful) start stitching! I managed to misplace my almost finished ornament exchange piece during the move and have to stitch new one. And of course as I am in a hurry (mail-out was yesterday) I chose to stitch it over one...
Last four months have taught me a lot. I have come to notice I am much stronger than I thought and that things I once considered as the end of the world aren't such.
I have come to realize how much I can love and how much there is room for denial in my little head. And that my inner self knows things before I do and prepares my subconscious for what is bound to come.
Last three weeks have been harder than one can imagine as I have been burning midnight oil trying to get stuff organized, even though it may not look like it at the moment.
But it has been good. I see in myself how much happier I am as people react to my happiness now. Not so long ago I was much more reserved because I "had" to be careful with people. And somewhere deep in me I was unhappy. For certain reasons.
And now I can smile and laugh with people without needing to worry. I can be myself. I can be good, happy mom to Tiny.
I CAN be happy.
Couple of days ago I posted a link to one HAED design to my Facebook profile and had a little discussion in the comments with Anne about it as it was in my basket at HAED, but I couldn't justify it to myself even it was -50% off.
Well, I went to bed and the next day I had an email from HAED waiting for me! I had been RAKed by Anne who bought it to me as a housewarming gift!
Said design was Randal Spangler's Sanctuary of Knowledge and you probably understand why I fell in love with it...
Yes, books. A lot of books. (And fairies, of course. Little peris flying all around...)
One "like" factor is that it has so many little details that I might actually have endurance to stitch this one day, as even HAED's site is full of beautiful designs SO many of them have ton of background stitching which would make me abandon whole design (I know they have background removal service). With my attention sp-oh a butterfly!-an it's just wise to try to only like really, really detailed BAPs.
And naturally being Insanette of Needleworks I dream of stitching this on 40 count, over one. (Mind you, this is HUGE design (625 W by 468 H) and it will be big even on that.)
Packing, packing, packing, laundry, laundry, laundry... in addition to running around Metropolitan area last two weeks equals one very tired /me and no stitching.
But... we are moving!
I was offered a bigger apartment in the city where I have lived most of my life so I went to check it, I accepted it, provided all needed paperwork (that only took two days) and signed the lease last week.
It's a two bedroom apartment in a relatively new apartment block in area where there seems to be a lot of young children, which means possible playmates for Tiny. And the place is nice and spacious, our bedrooms are about the size of our current living room... (bedrooms are not as big as it sounds, but our living room is small.)
Even better the company has ordered some renovations in there before we move in and we get paint for free to paint the walls.
Admittedly I am not excited about the move itself (I hate moving), but I am excited to get a new apartment with some actual space - and an elevator!